Things to follow. Meticulously.

1. NEVER DATE ANYONE WHO HAS MORE THAN 3 FRIENDS WHO ARE YOUNGER THAN HIM. GENDER NO BAR.
Only those who have the intellectual and emotional abilities of a grape will ever voluntarily 'hang out' with people younger than themselves.

2. NEVER EVER BELIEVE THE SUPPOSED RULE, "OPPOSITES ATTRACT."
It is impossible to sustain a relationship with someone, when you note the differences as the pro's initially. They will within no time turn into cons. It's a given.

3.(A) DO NOT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ON THE FIRST DATE; specially if,
- either of you, or both of you are too drunk to remember how many drinks you have guzzled or are able to spell 'chlorophyll' correctly. Whichever occurs first.

- the line leading to the occasion is, 'Your hands are so pretty.' or ' Are those real?' or 'Do you workout?' Well you get the point.

- either of you have cried your eyes out just before, perhaps over a broken relationship, or a dead pet, or Arsenal losing etc.

- your disabled cognitive abilities make you think or say, "God, that guy, with the big chin and the hairy fingers..you know the one in the tight pants and the blood red tee that says 'I'm free tonight' is totally checking me out. Maybe I should go talk to him!"

- when he/ she talks about their abs or biceps as a separate entity altogether. Worse. If they have actual names for the aforementioned body parts. Example, "Hey baby, go ahead, touch Rocky(the bicep), don't worry, he looks strong, but that's just so he can beat the crap out of the guys who trouble you...."

3.(B) DO NOT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ON THE FIRST DATE; except when,
- He is a neurosurgeon and he just got back from a successful craniotomy. :)

- either of you find out that the other is a yoga instructor.

-either of you just won a million dollars and a fancy car.

- you look so exceptionally good on that particular day, that even you can't keep your hands of yourself.

4. NEVER DATE OR IMMEDIATELY DUMP SOMEONE WHO SAYS, "Love... well love is complex...who really knows what love is?"
People who are still trying to figure out what love really is are never really going to. And no matter how much you convince yourself that like in every movie, when the right person comes along, the ignorant cynic always figures LOVE out, it will never happen. These ignorant morons are the one's on the basis of whom, therapist's enjoy long holidays in the Bahamas.

5. NEVER EVER TATTOO ANY NAME, ANY INITIALS, ANY PET NAME THAT IS NOT YOUR OWN, ON ANY PART OF YOUR BODY. NO MATTER HOW WELL HIDDEN.
Not that I don't believe in a love that stands all tests of time, but I am positive that your body does not believe in the same. Besides, if ever that love fails, laser tattoo removal is long and painful. No one is worth that much pain. Not even Colin Farrell. YES..I SAID IT!!!

6. NEVER DATE SOMEONE WHO IS TOTALLY PERFECT LOOKING. FLAWLESS.
They will never make any effort because they believe they don't have to. They believe them just showing up is good enough. And besides all they are capable of talking about, is themselves.

7. DO NOT DATE ANYONE WHO USES TOO MANY clichés...
"I am just not in the right place right now" , "It's not you, it's me." , "We can always be friends." etc are the adult equivalent for baby talk. It means nothing. It is not comforting. It is just noise! And for someone to still use it must mean they lost a part of their brain in a tragic accident. OR..... they have used these lines so many times, and they have actually worked, so the only people they have dated are those who lost a part of their brain in a tragic accident. Either ways, it's time to bid farewell.

8. NEVER DATE ANYONE WHO IS NOT LIVING IN THE SAME CITY AS YOU.
It's not that long distance relationships don't work out. I wouldn't know because I have never tried. But here's the thing, they are NOT SUPPOSED TO work out. A webcam or skype version of him/her can't hold your hand during a movie, can't give you his sweatshirt when you feel cold, can't go out for long walks/drives with you. So, while I agree that there isn't such a thing as a 'Perfect Boyfriend/Girlfriend' there absolutely is such a thing as a 'Perfect Relationship' and that is the one that is there, right next to you, one call away, bringing you hot chocolate at 2 am kinds.

9. NEVER DATE ANYONE WHO HATES YOUR DOG/DOGS.
Well......because dogs always trump everyone else.

I Feel like Switzerland

I haven't felt like this in very long. Too long actually. So long that I have forgotten what it feels like to feel like Switzerland. People I call friends are useless. Solely ornamental. People who are friends but the ones I hardly ever call are the ones I miss the most when I feel like this. They know exactly how to make me feel like Germany, and that is only because they know the Adolf in me. I hate it when people give you reasons, and explanations. I don't want to hear them anymore. I would like to believe that at age 21...and rapidly reaching 22, we are beyond these reasons that really mean nothing. You know when you are pissed off at someone and you ask them why they did something, you don't really want to hear WHY!? You just want them to open their mouths so you can sock them in the face. Who here honestly wants to hear, " Actually I tried calling you but my battery died off!" or, " I felt like you would want some time off so I just kept away from you for weeks after I made that horrible mistake!" ? I have made up my mind about kick boxing. I am not taking it up to lose the extra kilos, or for self defense. I just want to kick some 'friendly' butt. Kick it all the way to Mars. Friends don't really have a purpose in life. They are there because, well some of them you decided to be friends with over a piece of candy they shared with you a million years ago, and some because you have a common enemy, or because you both got too drunk to actually remember the reason for this unbreakable bond! Pllllllllllleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeee!!!! I say commitments of any kind just tie you down. Like someone pointed out, ' All relationships are man made. There is absolutely nothing natural about it!' So, I don't think people should raise their eyebrows when I say, I am not OBLIGED, or for that matter no one is to take the responsibility to make and keep someone ELSE happy!
I mean, the world is cruel. It's hard to keep yourself happy, then why should one be asked to do the same for someone else too? Doesn't it seem unfair? I am battling every single day with thoughts that keep me awake like an Owl, and so do a lot of other people. Some people are disturbed by religion, others by recession, and maybe some by health. That's a lot of shit in itself. And in all this when people tell you, 'you are the only one who understands me, I don't know what I would do without you!' I can't help but feel like Switzerland on Coke.