Monday, May 18, 2009

I Feel like Switzerland

I haven't felt like this in very long. Too long actually. So long that I have forgotten what it feels like to feel like Switzerland. People I call friends are useless. Solely ornamental. People who are friends but the ones I hardly ever call are the ones I miss the most when I feel like this. They know exactly how to make me feel like Germany, and that is only because they know the Adolf in me. I hate it when people give you reasons, and explanations. I don't want to hear them anymore. I would like to believe that at age 21...and rapidly reaching 22, we are beyond these reasons that really mean nothing. You know when you are pissed off at someone and you ask them why they did something, you don't really want to hear WHY!? You just want them to open their mouths so you can sock them in the face. Who here honestly wants to hear, " Actually I tried calling you but my battery died off!" or, " I felt like you would want some time off so I just kept away from you for weeks after I made that horrible mistake!" ? I have made up my mind about kick boxing. I am not taking it up to lose the extra kilos, or for self defense. I just want to kick some 'friendly' butt. Kick it all the way to Mars. Friends don't really have a purpose in life. They are there because, well some of them you decided to be friends with over a piece of candy they shared with you a million years ago, and some because you have a common enemy, or because you both got too drunk to actually remember the reason for this unbreakable bond! Pllllllllllleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeee!!!! I say commitments of any kind just tie you down. Like someone pointed out, ' All relationships are man made. There is absolutely nothing natural about it!' So, I don't think people should raise their eyebrows when I say, I am not OBLIGED, or for that matter no one is to take the responsibility to make and keep someone ELSE happy!
I mean, the world is cruel. It's hard to keep yourself happy, then why should one be asked to do the same for someone else too? Doesn't it seem unfair? I am battling every single day with thoughts that keep me awake like an Owl, and so do a lot of other people. Some people are disturbed by religion, others by recession, and maybe some by health. That's a lot of shit in itself. And in all this when people tell you, 'you are the only one who understands me, I don't know what I would do without you!' I can't help but feel like Switzerland on Coke.

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