Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I PLEAD GUILTY
It is past 2 a.m, even the dogs outside have stopped howling at each other. My exams are scheduled to begin in less than 2 weeks. I made big mistakes by asking the wrong people, " How are studies going on?" The guilt is eating me alive. There are voices in my head telling me to pick up my economics notes and start reading about public expenditure, but my ass says otherwise. These voices have been troubling me for a very long time. I thought maybe I will share this problem with some friends and they can tell me what to do, share some pearls of wisdom. Bad idea. If only I knew Oscar Wilde or Socrates, instead of people who say, "Arey then study na.", or, " Hmmmmmmm". Getting back to the guilt. I try with all honesty to pick up my book. I explain to myself the consequences, I walk around, from the room to the living room, to the kitchen. That is when I find the solution to my problems, the midnight snack. It is that guilt-free act that ate all the guilt and let me have a peaceful, contented sleep, without any demons creeping under my bed.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Fitness FREAKS!
Observing people of different species (read on, you’ll get what I mean) at your gym can be a very enlightening experience. It provides a deep insight into their lives, and reveals their deepest, darkest secrets. Ok, I maybe exaggerating just a little bit. But, nonetheless it’s a fun activity, and a weird invasion of someone else’s privacy, and they can’t sue you for it!
First of all let me establish, I do not enjoy gym or any other activity that involves movement for that matter. I consider enrolling myself for gym as one of my biggest mistakes in life for which, believe you me I am repenting! Diets are another story altogether. I am against the concept of ‘dieting’ and I just cannot understand why there are people who eat a pea for breakfast, a glass of fresh juice for lunch and a grape for dinner (without any ‘in between’ snacks of course!) and honestly I don’t want to find out why either!
1) THE YOU-WILL-NEVER-SEE-ME-AGAIN SPECIES:
This kind usually includes AUNTIES who roam around the gym in apprehension. They derive their name from the fact that after the first day of workout they never come back! This type is more often than not coaxed by their better halves (so to say!) to get FIT! However, after the first day of working out, and sweating it out, and pumping some iron, they find their bodies worth much more, and decide to stay at home since then. The easiest way to know who falls under this category, is to spot the people with an unusual amount of sweat on their forehead, most of which is out of anxiety of first day of gym, and the one’s who are dressed in the most expensive, perfect gym clothes.
2) THE JLO-IS-JEALOUS-OF-ME SPECIES:
First of all, to observe this kind you have to master the art of subtle observation, and straight face keeping! If you want to hear the entire conversation (for educational purpose of course) you must be capable of the aforementioned qualities. Now, this species is constantly found conversing with others pf their own kind. They have the innate ability to recognize a decrease or increase in the weight of the others. They live on discussing recipes of different salads and juices. The members of this clan are fairly easy to spot, as they always walk in groups, and look like they are on an all-time endorphins high! However to really enjoy this species and to completely invade their privacy, one must listen to their conversation, which is pretty much on only one topic (no prize for guessing!). “Oh my God! I don’t understand what you eat! Do you survive on air?! You’re so lucky you got jaundice, you could lose all those extra vacation pounds!” says one wannabe, who will never be JLO to another. To know more of such priceless conversations, join a gym!
3) THE FLIRTINI-SHAKEN AND STIRRED SPECIES:
This species is the most difficult to observe, as while you are observing them you lose all sense and sensibility of yourself. So if you plan to observe this kind, take someone along with you, who can rush you to the loo, if the urge to throw up becomes uncontrollable. As the name suggests, this is the kind who think of the gym as a place to socialize. They flirt with the instructors in a manner that suggests, there is no tomorrow, so act as frivolous as you can. And mind you, this flirting is not at all subtle. It is completely in-your-face blatant for the enjoyment of people like me. This kind wears eye-liner, eye-shadow, kohl, long dangling earrings and the most lethal-LIP GLOSS, while working out. The easiest way to spot this species is to look in the direction of the loudest, shrillest laugh.
4) THE I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT SPECIES:
The members of this species were away, looking into a mirror when God was distributing brains. This kind is not so easy to find, because on the exterior they all look like normal beings, but once they encounter a mirror, it’s a whole new form! However, this makes them easy subjects for observation, as the only thing they notice is themselves! This species is found to be extremely self-indulgent and seen to appreciate their bodies in front of mirrors at every opportunity they get. They pose, smile, and flex their muscles in front of the mirror, and some even talk to themselves. If they do not look into a mirror for a fairly long time, it can be quite fatal and hence are seen to go back and forth to the mirror every now and then. The easiest way to look for them is to stand somewhere close to a mirror and wait for the subject to come there himself/herself.
P.S.- These are just a few of many different species that you come across at your gym. To know some more, please do not JOIN a gym, and pay the people there to torture you. Just read this blog for updates ;)
First of all let me establish, I do not enjoy gym or any other activity that involves movement for that matter. I consider enrolling myself for gym as one of my biggest mistakes in life for which, believe you me I am repenting! Diets are another story altogether. I am against the concept of ‘dieting’ and I just cannot understand why there are people who eat a pea for breakfast, a glass of fresh juice for lunch and a grape for dinner (without any ‘in between’ snacks of course!) and honestly I don’t want to find out why either!
1) THE YOU-WILL-NEVER-SEE-ME-AGAIN SPECIES:
This kind usually includes AUNTIES who roam around the gym in apprehension. They derive their name from the fact that after the first day of workout they never come back! This type is more often than not coaxed by their better halves (so to say!) to get FIT! However, after the first day of working out, and sweating it out, and pumping some iron, they find their bodies worth much more, and decide to stay at home since then. The easiest way to know who falls under this category, is to spot the people with an unusual amount of sweat on their forehead, most of which is out of anxiety of first day of gym, and the one’s who are dressed in the most expensive, perfect gym clothes.
2) THE JLO-IS-JEALOUS-OF-ME SPECIES:
First of all, to observe this kind you have to master the art of subtle observation, and straight face keeping! If you want to hear the entire conversation (for educational purpose of course) you must be capable of the aforementioned qualities. Now, this species is constantly found conversing with others pf their own kind. They have the innate ability to recognize a decrease or increase in the weight of the others. They live on discussing recipes of different salads and juices. The members of this clan are fairly easy to spot, as they always walk in groups, and look like they are on an all-time endorphins high! However to really enjoy this species and to completely invade their privacy, one must listen to their conversation, which is pretty much on only one topic (no prize for guessing!). “Oh my God! I don’t understand what you eat! Do you survive on air?! You’re so lucky you got jaundice, you could lose all those extra vacation pounds!” says one wannabe, who will never be JLO to another. To know more of such priceless conversations, join a gym!
3) THE FLIRTINI-SHAKEN AND STIRRED SPECIES:
This species is the most difficult to observe, as while you are observing them you lose all sense and sensibility of yourself. So if you plan to observe this kind, take someone along with you, who can rush you to the loo, if the urge to throw up becomes uncontrollable. As the name suggests, this is the kind who think of the gym as a place to socialize. They flirt with the instructors in a manner that suggests, there is no tomorrow, so act as frivolous as you can. And mind you, this flirting is not at all subtle. It is completely in-your-face blatant for the enjoyment of people like me. This kind wears eye-liner, eye-shadow, kohl, long dangling earrings and the most lethal-LIP GLOSS, while working out. The easiest way to spot this species is to look in the direction of the loudest, shrillest laugh.
4) THE I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT SPECIES:
The members of this species were away, looking into a mirror when God was distributing brains. This kind is not so easy to find, because on the exterior they all look like normal beings, but once they encounter a mirror, it’s a whole new form! However, this makes them easy subjects for observation, as the only thing they notice is themselves! This species is found to be extremely self-indulgent and seen to appreciate their bodies in front of mirrors at every opportunity they get. They pose, smile, and flex their muscles in front of the mirror, and some even talk to themselves. If they do not look into a mirror for a fairly long time, it can be quite fatal and hence are seen to go back and forth to the mirror every now and then. The easiest way to look for them is to stand somewhere close to a mirror and wait for the subject to come there himself/herself.
P.S.- These are just a few of many different species that you come across at your gym. To know some more, please do not JOIN a gym, and pay the people there to torture you. Just read this blog for updates ;)
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