Things to follow. Meticulously.

1. NEVER DATE ANYONE WHO HAS MORE THAN 3 FRIENDS WHO ARE YOUNGER THAN HIM. GENDER NO BAR.
Only those who have the intellectual and emotional abilities of a grape will ever voluntarily 'hang out' with people younger than themselves.

2. NEVER EVER BELIEVE THE SUPPOSED RULE, "OPPOSITES ATTRACT."
It is impossible to sustain a relationship with someone, when you note the differences as the pro's initially. They will within no time turn into cons. It's a given.

3.(A) DO NOT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ON THE FIRST DATE; specially if,
- either of you, or both of you are too drunk to remember how many drinks you have guzzled or are able to spell 'chlorophyll' correctly. Whichever occurs first.

- the line leading to the occasion is, 'Your hands are so pretty.' or ' Are those real?' or 'Do you workout?' Well you get the point.

- either of you have cried your eyes out just before, perhaps over a broken relationship, or a dead pet, or Arsenal losing etc.

- your disabled cognitive abilities make you think or say, "God, that guy, with the big chin and the hairy fingers..you know the one in the tight pants and the blood red tee that says 'I'm free tonight' is totally checking me out. Maybe I should go talk to him!"

- when he/ she talks about their abs or biceps as a separate entity altogether. Worse. If they have actual names for the aforementioned body parts. Example, "Hey baby, go ahead, touch Rocky(the bicep), don't worry, he looks strong, but that's just so he can beat the crap out of the guys who trouble you...."

3.(B) DO NOT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ON THE FIRST DATE; except when,
- He is a neurosurgeon and he just got back from a successful craniotomy. :)

- either of you find out that the other is a yoga instructor.

-either of you just won a million dollars and a fancy car.

- you look so exceptionally good on that particular day, that even you can't keep your hands of yourself.

4. NEVER DATE OR IMMEDIATELY DUMP SOMEONE WHO SAYS, "Love... well love is complex...who really knows what love is?"
People who are still trying to figure out what love really is are never really going to. And no matter how much you convince yourself that like in every movie, when the right person comes along, the ignorant cynic always figures LOVE out, it will never happen. These ignorant morons are the one's on the basis of whom, therapist's enjoy long holidays in the Bahamas.

5. NEVER EVER TATTOO ANY NAME, ANY INITIALS, ANY PET NAME THAT IS NOT YOUR OWN, ON ANY PART OF YOUR BODY. NO MATTER HOW WELL HIDDEN.
Not that I don't believe in a love that stands all tests of time, but I am positive that your body does not believe in the same. Besides, if ever that love fails, laser tattoo removal is long and painful. No one is worth that much pain. Not even Colin Farrell. YES..I SAID IT!!!

6. NEVER DATE SOMEONE WHO IS TOTALLY PERFECT LOOKING. FLAWLESS.
They will never make any effort because they believe they don't have to. They believe them just showing up is good enough. And besides all they are capable of talking about, is themselves.

7. DO NOT DATE ANYONE WHO USES TOO MANY clichés...
"I am just not in the right place right now" , "It's not you, it's me." , "We can always be friends." etc are the adult equivalent for baby talk. It means nothing. It is not comforting. It is just noise! And for someone to still use it must mean they lost a part of their brain in a tragic accident. OR..... they have used these lines so many times, and they have actually worked, so the only people they have dated are those who lost a part of their brain in a tragic accident. Either ways, it's time to bid farewell.

8. NEVER DATE ANYONE WHO IS NOT LIVING IN THE SAME CITY AS YOU.
It's not that long distance relationships don't work out. I wouldn't know because I have never tried. But here's the thing, they are NOT SUPPOSED TO work out. A webcam or skype version of him/her can't hold your hand during a movie, can't give you his sweatshirt when you feel cold, can't go out for long walks/drives with you. So, while I agree that there isn't such a thing as a 'Perfect Boyfriend/Girlfriend' there absolutely is such a thing as a 'Perfect Relationship' and that is the one that is there, right next to you, one call away, bringing you hot chocolate at 2 am kinds.

9. NEVER DATE ANYONE WHO HATES YOUR DOG/DOGS.
Well......because dogs always trump everyone else.

Self discoveries

1- I love men who are bald and accept it. There is nothing uglier than a man fooling himself by wearing a wig to cover the bald. It's one thing to lose your hair, but to lose all your self-respect and to wear something that looks like a dead rat on top of your head is just unacceptable. Bald is sexy. Bald is experience. Bald is maturity.

2- I can convince people about anything, at any time, on any given day. It's a gift.

3- I should be awarded at an International Level for 'Bullshit Talking'.

4- I absolutely hate fair skinned men. I think God intended to make them women but changed his mind at the very last minute.

5- I hate Mama's-boys. It is not cute. It is not a testament to how he will take care of you. It just means the doctor forgot to cut the damn umbilical cord when he was born.

6- I hate men who spend way too much time at the gym and try to look like Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt is unreal. No real man should look like that! A real man is not obese, but he should not be the kind who looks like his veins are going to pop out if you hug him too tight!

7- I hate Brad Pitt. I hate women who like Brad Pitt.

8- I love men who have large appetites. A real man will eat every meal like it is his last.

9- And finally, short women end up with tall men.

The Ideal Guy

If you are a woman, and you drive in Good Old Pune City, you will agree with my concept of the perfect guy. No one wants a good looking, rich, intelligent, humorous, great listener kind of a guy any more... Women in Pune are beyond all this. They can look for all these qualities among friends, and coworkers. But the real, desperate, independent women, want a driver. The oh-so-hindi-film concept of running away with the driver, is something I am seriously contemplating. Because God knows, in this wild, wild, world, the one and only thing I require is some sweet human being, who will drive me around, while I sit in the back seat, listening to music. One who will sverve through the narrow one-ways with ease, and abuse those who deserve to know who their moms really are. One who will circle the same street repeatedly to look for parking, and when that miraculous space appears, he will, without whining, perfectly park the car.
Can you imagine, all this for practically nothing! Ok, he might call you "Baby.." every now and then, but don't these guys do that already???