The QUEEN of Hearts

“Where are the miracles when you want them the most?” is what I asked Shruti when I was looking for our precious Rani, in a village far, far away from her home.
The news came as a shock to all of us. There wasn’t a soul on earth who met Rani and didn’t fall in love with her, ‘obsessed with pleasing everyone nature.’ She lived with us for so many months, and she was an integral part of The Paws Pack, our best success story. Little did we know that a few months down the line we would curse ourselves for not being more aware, more careful, and more judicious before letting her go. We knew we gave her away knowing half the truth, but what’s the point in blaming strangers?
Saying we all were devastated would be an understatement. Nothing went right that day. The night seemed darker than ever, the sounds seemed louder than ever, and the only image that everyone had was of a Rani, who was so harassed and stressed, that she did something none of us would have expected her to; ran away.
The night I found out about this I decided, I have never in my life left anything on fate and Rani will not be an exception. So I decided to go along with Parinit to the area from where she ran away and look everywhere possible and increase my chances of seeing her again. Very unlike me, when we started for that village, I was full of optimism, and self- assurance that today I am going to find her, she is going to come running towards me and I am going to bring her back home. But as hours went by, looking through the same streets, under the cars, and inside small houses, and in garbage dumps, my confidence level lowered to zero, if it wasn’t for Parinit constantly reminding me that she couldn’t have possibly gone too far away, I would have probably collapsed and started to weep. We came back after 5 hours of in vain searching, and I couldn’t help but notice each dog that passed me by that day in the hope that it’s Rani. I called the man who apparently had her for a few days without our knowledge. I told him how he should feel terribly sorry for what he has done, and how he took away someone so precious from us. I didn’t know my words could have an influence on anyone. I came back home earlier in the evening and slept off. My aunt told me I was crying in my sleep, although I don’t remember it. What I do remember is dreaming about Rani, and wondering what thoughts must be going on in her head. I was sure she must be thinking why we left her in such a place? If we hated her so much, that we weren’t ready to wait until someone genuine comes along, who loves her as much as we do?
Later that evening when I woke up, my dad asked me details about Rani, and he asked me to go and check the same place again tomorrow, because he had a very strong feeling we would find her there. In fact I felt the same way. I immediately messaged Shruti and asked her if it was possible to arrange for a search- team by tomorrow morning itself, as I didn’t want to waste any time. She said she was thinking and trying to arrange for the same things. Within an hour of sending that message, I got a call from the guy who was originally supposed to keep Rani, but had given her off to some other fellow. He told me very curtly that he is dropping her off to that girl’s place who was the reason for our Rani’s plight, and that I should go and pick her up. I had no time to argue or worry about his curtness, all I could think about was ‘I am getting Rani back.’ I called up Shruti; we decided to not tell anyone until I see it with my own two eyes that it is Rani. The journey from my place, until Rani felt longer than the half an hour it took. I kept my fingers crossed and kept praying for her to be Rani. As I walked close to the gate I saw the same paws, and the same eyes, and I couldn’t stop shaking. For that brief moment I was incapable of carrying out small, everyday tasks. Opening the latch, the gate, shutting it back, felt like calculus. The moment of truth was calling out, “Rani…” and having her respond by running right onto my lap and licking my face. She recognized both me and Parinit, and was more than happy to leave immediately.
She sat very comfortably in the car, like she belonged there. She acknowledged our presence every now and then and we were so ecstatic to have her back that we started serenading songs for her. Shruti and Neha too were thrilled to watch her jump out of the car and into their arms. None of us cried then, we were all cried out. And this concept of ‘tears of joy’ is a little hard for me to digest personally. I can only and only think of smiling like there’s no tomorrow when someone you love comes back to you from the dead.
Rani, to me, looked like she had matured, with experience of having survived this unbelievable rollercoaster ride. She had lost a lot of weight, but our dear Kamlesh would take care of that within a few days. Rani didn’t do much the night we found her, besides smothering us with kisses, having a hearty meal, and catching up on some lost sleep. She looked like an angel. I made a note to myself that night, ‘Miracles are there, where you look for them.’

The Ideal Guy

If you are a woman, and you drive in Good Old Pune City, you will agree with my concept of the perfect guy. No one wants a good looking, rich, intelligent, humorous, great listener kind of a guy any more... Women in Pune are beyond all this. They can look for all these qualities among friends, and coworkers. But the real, desperate, independent women, want a driver. The oh-so-hindi-film concept of running away with the driver, is something I am seriously contemplating. Because God knows, in this wild, wild, world, the one and only thing I require is some sweet human being, who will drive me around, while I sit in the back seat, listening to music. One who will sverve through the narrow one-ways with ease, and abuse those who deserve to know who their moms really are. One who will circle the same street repeatedly to look for parking, and when that miraculous space appears, he will, without whining, perfectly park the car.
Can you imagine, all this for practically nothing! Ok, he might call you "Baby.." every now and then, but don't these guys do that already???

Recent changes

It’s been a long, long, really long time since I last updated this blog, and let me just inform you that nothing much has changed. I am still the same, only intensified. A few changes that have taken place and are worth mentioning are as follows;
1- I finally fulfilled my dream of using the name ‘cynic-unlimited’ for myself somewhere!

2- My tolerance level has lowered, and I am seriously looking for someone who can provide me with a gun, legal, illegal no issues whatsoever. If anyone knows someone who can do the same please contact me on the number 1800-redhotchillipepper.

3- Also, I have a crush on a guy who is way older than me, but age has never been an issue, and this guy seems to know a lot about everything. I give this crush 3 months tops.

4- The world laconic meaning using few words especially to the point of being rude has an excellent and very interesting origin.

5- I almost beat up a guy on law college road, when he was standing in the middle of the street and when asked to move by me obviously came to my car window and asked me a question he never should have, “Do you know who you are speaking to?” Horrible, horrible mistake on his part. My answer to his dim-witted question of course was ‘a pansy arsehole’.
Anyway, like I said all major innate emotions have intensified to a large extent and honestly speaking, I am quite enjoying them. Oh yeah, and one more addition to the above mentioned list,
6- I love being daddy’s little girl. And undoubtedly, ‘My Daddy Strongest.’

I found out the hard way.....

There are some people on earth who have everything planned for them from the very beginning. Now, what exactly is the beginning you ask? Well, the very beginning means well before we were conceived, or well before we were even planned by our parents. The beginning is when the good God above planned our destiny. You know like every detail of our life, whether we are going to be born in a poor household, or a dysfunctional yet rich household, or will we be poor at maths all through our life, or be born Doogie Howser’s, or you know whether life will be smooth sailing and perfect, or some unprecedented Tsunamis will occur every now and then….It’s all a mystery to us until it actually happens.
Well, anyway back to how some people are born with their lives planned perfectly for them. People of this category can take any amount of risks that they like and somehow things will fall in place every single time. One can even say that it is individuals like these that always depend on luck, and every single time their luck favours them. They can jump off a cliff without any harness and will still boomerang back. I think it’s because of people like this that people who have an out of the blue kind of life have to rely completely on hard work. People from this category can never go for an exam, hoping and praying and wishing that a particular question doesn’t come. Because if they do, God knows that that very question will not only show its face in the paper but will hold some 15 marks or so! In other words, luck never ever favours these people, not even on a good day!
So you know when the lucky bastards are sitting in their comfortable little chairs one night before the exams going, “I am going to leave this chapter….I am too bored….” They can sleep a fearless sleep, because nothing from that chapter will ever bother them. But, somewhere on a broken little bed, there is this unlucky bastard, who was planned on the day God woke up on the wrong side of his bed, who is studying till the wee hours of the morning, stuffing himself with way too much coffee that is probably burning a hole in his stomach, and has glued his eyelids open, just so that he can outsmart luck.
Anyway hard work is not everyone’s cup of tea. And if it isn’t yours be very happy because you were not planned on the day God had a bad hair day! So when someone says, ‘Hard work always pays’, you know that it better!

What goes around comes around....or does it?

I used to believe in the fact that all the 'Karma' before it leaves this world, goes back and bites the ass of those who have done wrong in their life. It was logical, the world is round, things have to come back like a boomerang. But, I don't believe that anymore. I think God's changed his ways a little bit. You know probably trying something new. I think nowadays, this Karma thing has become like a game of 'YOUR IT'. I think when one person does something wrong, the bad karma that the person has called upon himself, gets randomly thrown into the direction of any other living being, it could be a nice little boy riding his bicycle, or it could be a little, ugly mouse nibbling on his cheese. So, now this other living being has to pay for the sins of someone else in this world, and once he pays the price the bad karma passes on. So, all the energy in the world is being conserved in this way, and through the misery of all the innocent in the world, God gets to test his hypothesis! Now, the problem here being, my sweet, little, polar bear resembling pomeranian is a victim, and she has a mammary tumor, which is a result of someone else's sin, it could be mine, or it could be your's. I can say this with complete confidence because, I know Candy for 14 years now and she has never gambled, or gone drinking frivolously, or bit someone without any valid, legal reason (she only bit me once on my nose, because I was really pissing her off with an annoying dance, but all this was a very long time ago, so let us all vow to never bring this up!). I hope God reconsiders this plan of his, and realises before it's too late that this experiment is failing miserably. So, for the sake of guilt, that it could, maybe be your sin that has caused my baby this pain, just remember her in your prayers. That is all that I ask.
Although, at this time, I can recollect this one specific line I heard in a movie, that goes something like this;
' The reason why God burdens you with sorrows is not because it is a test, but because he knows you have the strength to endure it'

Beating around the BUSH!

It's been a really long time, and I know that the few readers that I pay have missed me terribly. Afterall they are missing their sole source of steady income! Anyway, so just to update you guys on what has been happening in boredomville. I have started serious contemplation about my future, and I am living a nightmare! I keep thinking about all the entrances that I have to appear for, and how my future at this point in a small way atleast lies in the hands of a cheap, Indian, whose aim in life is to send more and more Indians to a country that chose a monkey as their President! So, I went to the Dilip Oak's Academy(!) to find out about the GRE, and how I can enrol myself into his classes, and I was shocked at what my eyes were forced to see! His entire office of two floors, is decorated with one, universal, singular theme, which is AMERICA!, blue, red and stars, everywhere you look, that is the only thing you will see! And when you sit in his office, along with other shameful monkeys like yourself, and look around, you see, a large, blown up, FRAMED, map of America! Even the bags that he gives the reference material in, is decorated in the same fashion. Another hilarious, as well as shocking fact is, even his own name, DILIP OAK has America in it all the way! The Oak from Dilip Oak has stars, like the ones you see on the American flag, and you can't help but wonder what an arse this man is!
The middle-class families have big dreams, they want opportunities to work for them and they are ready to work hard for that, and this man banks on these dreams. He doesn't impart education, he sells America! And yes, I will be joining his class in the next month, because I also have a dream, and no opportunities here in my country, but that doesn't change the fact that I am going there solely because of the lack of opportunities and not so that I can settle there as a cranky, obese, NRI, who sends money for her family every month. I don't know whether the classes are worth it, and I don't know if Dilip Oak is an inspirational teacher(although all my sources say he very much is NOT), but I do know that unfortunately, this guy, in a smalllll way holds my future in his hands.

TOODLES!

Good-bye friends! I am scheduled to leave for the land of the sizzling sun, beautiful beaches and cheap alcohol, in approximately 3 hours, i.e, 4 a.m!!! And I absolutely can't wait to reach! I'll miss you earthlings, as I embark upon this journey to heaven!!!!!! weeeheeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!