I Feel like Switzerland

I haven't felt like this in very long. Too long actually. So long that I have forgotten what it feels like to feel like Switzerland. People I call friends are useless. Solely ornamental. People who are friends but the ones I hardly ever call are the ones I miss the most when I feel like this. They know exactly how to make me feel like Germany, and that is only because they know the Adolf in me. I hate it when people give you reasons, and explanations. I don't want to hear them anymore. I would like to believe that at age 21...and rapidly reaching 22, we are beyond these reasons that really mean nothing. You know when you are pissed off at someone and you ask them why they did something, you don't really want to hear WHY!? You just want them to open their mouths so you can sock them in the face. Who here honestly wants to hear, " Actually I tried calling you but my battery died off!" or, " I felt like you would want some time off so I just kept away from you for weeks after I made that horrible mistake!" ? I have made up my mind about kick boxing. I am not taking it up to lose the extra kilos, or for self defense. I just want to kick some 'friendly' butt. Kick it all the way to Mars. Friends don't really have a purpose in life. They are there because, well some of them you decided to be friends with over a piece of candy they shared with you a million years ago, and some because you have a common enemy, or because you both got too drunk to actually remember the reason for this unbreakable bond! Pllllllllllleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeee!!!! I say commitments of any kind just tie you down. Like someone pointed out, ' All relationships are man made. There is absolutely nothing natural about it!' So, I don't think people should raise their eyebrows when I say, I am not OBLIGED, or for that matter no one is to take the responsibility to make and keep someone ELSE happy!
I mean, the world is cruel. It's hard to keep yourself happy, then why should one be asked to do the same for someone else too? Doesn't it seem unfair? I am battling every single day with thoughts that keep me awake like an Owl, and so do a lot of other people. Some people are disturbed by religion, others by recession, and maybe some by health. That's a lot of shit in itself. And in all this when people tell you, 'you are the only one who understands me, I don't know what I would do without you!' I can't help but feel like Switzerland on Coke.

The Ideal Guy

If you are a woman, and you drive in Good Old Pune City, you will agree with my concept of the perfect guy. No one wants a good looking, rich, intelligent, humorous, great listener kind of a guy any more... Women in Pune are beyond all this. They can look for all these qualities among friends, and coworkers. But the real, desperate, independent women, want a driver. The oh-so-hindi-film concept of running away with the driver, is something I am seriously contemplating. Because God knows, in this wild, wild, world, the one and only thing I require is some sweet human being, who will drive me around, while I sit in the back seat, listening to music. One who will sverve through the narrow one-ways with ease, and abuse those who deserve to know who their moms really are. One who will circle the same street repeatedly to look for parking, and when that miraculous space appears, he will, without whining, perfectly park the car.
Can you imagine, all this for practically nothing! Ok, he might call you "Baby.." every now and then, but don't these guys do that already???

What's your story morning glory?

My story? Does anyone really want to know my story? Im the Romeo from Romeo and Juliet! Im the Desdemona of Desdemona and Othello…Im the orphanage for the kicked out, most hated child on earth that everyone puts up for adoption, BAD LUCK. Some people may think im exaggerating a little, but to tell you very honestly, live one day of your life in my shoes (not really my shoes, because that’s just disgusting, it’s a phrase!) and you will see, how my life is a sadistic comedy!
A typical day in my life is, either a full stop personified, or a chase scene from a very bad movie. I have people coming my way, with different ways to piss me off. Some prefer salsa, some cha cha cha, some even like to jive. In any case it’s all the same to me, because I provide the common dance floor, my NERVES!! If your thinking, this is just another blog, of someone insane nut, who thinks she is the only one on earth with problems that have no solutions, you are partly right. Although you get an A grade for precisely defining me and my blog in the first part of the sentence, I might have to fail you for thinking way too much for the latter. I am completely addicted to boredom, or maybe it’s the other way round. Either way we seem to be in this immature, teenage relationship, where neither can let go of the other. I seem to get bored of things way too easily. “Spanish…hmmm seems like an interesting language, I’ll start going for classes. Besides, it will look excellent on my CV.” 3 weeks later I find myself sitting at Mocha, ordering apple flavoured sheesha, when I’m supposed to be in class, HOLAing everyone, from my friends, to the waiters. I wont be shocked if I find myself standing at the edge of a cliff one day, completely harnessed, ready to bungee jump, and feel the adrenalin rush, and I tell the instructor, “Dude, I’m too bored…..lets go skydiving instead!” Nothing seems to excite me (nothing, except tequila shots of course) .
Another interesting aspect being, my LUCK, or what is more commonly known as HORSESHIT. Whatever it is I think of doing, whether it is the simplest, most futile activity, or entering the sudoku championships, luck seems to be in the other direction, watching, pointing, falling on the floor, and laughing it’s ass off. It’s hard to understand why things of this sort would happen to me. Now please don’t tell me I am the chosen one, and these are small tests and all that jazz, because if this by any remote possibility, is a test, then I want Hawaii as a reward. Every morning when I step out of the house and sit inside my car, the first song that my radio decides to blast, is any current Himmesh Reshammiya number. It’s a fact, and a proven one, that the minute I start driving, all the bad, drivers, and riders of the world, get a signal, which I’m assuming sounds like a big fire alarm, and at the sound of this alarm, all these people, born to TEST me, come on the streets I am traveling on. I’m happy to declare at this point, that me being the optimist that I am, which is quite evident from this post, have used all incidents, for my benefit, I have enlightened myself, by acquiring a PhD in, ABUSES in all different languages. And yes, I am very fluent in them now. So if you see a 19 year old girl, with her head out of the window if a red zen, going BEEP BEEP BEEP, please do say HI! Its not just the traffic, its also the people. I’m not so much a people person (which is why I am reconsidering the excellent career choice I’ve made—Psychology) and I don’t like people very easily. Just so that random, over-friendly people don’t make any attempts to try to know my zodiac sign and favourite colour, I give them hostile, snooty, I’ll-slit-your-wrist-if- you-smile-at-me vibe right from the beginning. So if we view this, the way I do, I am doing some good in this world. However, there are some pea-brained girls and a few guys too, who just won’t quit. These are types who believe God has A PLAN FOR THEM! They have been sent on earth, to spread joy, and love. Believe me, these are the one’s who endorse candle-making, interior designing and party planning, as a dignified job, that gives them both, monetary as well as mental satisfaction. Anyway, so as I was saying, that my killer looks and vibes (which believe me are very fatal) just don’t matter to this category, and they think it’s a wise idea to come and pull my cheeks, or put their arms around me, or CALL ME DARLING, OR BABY!!! Why????? Why would this happen to me. What happens to girls and guys of this menace of a category later on can’t be mentioned here, and you definitely don’t want to find out!
P.S--This post will be updated every once in awhile, perhaps under different titles, according to the author's wish.