Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I PLEAD GUILTY
It is past 2 a.m, even the dogs outside have stopped howling at each other. My exams are scheduled to begin in less than 2 weeks. I made big mistakes by asking the wrong people, " How are studies going on?" The guilt is eating me alive. There are voices in my head telling me to pick up my economics notes and start reading about public expenditure, but my ass says otherwise. These voices have been troubling me for a very long time. I thought maybe I will share this problem with some friends and they can tell me what to do, share some pearls of wisdom. Bad idea. If only I knew Oscar Wilde or Socrates, instead of people who say, "Arey then study na.", or, " Hmmmmmmm". Getting back to the guilt. I try with all honesty to pick up my book. I explain to myself the consequences, I walk around, from the room to the living room, to the kitchen. That is when I find the solution to my problems, the midnight snack. It is that guilt-free act that ate all the guilt and let me have a peaceful, contented sleep, without any demons creeping under my bed.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Fitness FREAKS!
Observing people of different species (read on, you’ll get what I mean) at your gym can be a very enlightening experience. It provides a deep insight into their lives, and reveals their deepest, darkest secrets. Ok, I maybe exaggerating just a little bit. But, nonetheless it’s a fun activity, and a weird invasion of someone else’s privacy, and they can’t sue you for it!
First of all let me establish, I do not enjoy gym or any other activity that involves movement for that matter. I consider enrolling myself for gym as one of my biggest mistakes in life for which, believe you me I am repenting! Diets are another story altogether. I am against the concept of ‘dieting’ and I just cannot understand why there are people who eat a pea for breakfast, a glass of fresh juice for lunch and a grape for dinner (without any ‘in between’ snacks of course!) and honestly I don’t want to find out why either!
1) THE YOU-WILL-NEVER-SEE-ME-AGAIN SPECIES:
This kind usually includes AUNTIES who roam around the gym in apprehension. They derive their name from the fact that after the first day of workout they never come back! This type is more often than not coaxed by their better halves (so to say!) to get FIT! However, after the first day of working out, and sweating it out, and pumping some iron, they find their bodies worth much more, and decide to stay at home since then. The easiest way to know who falls under this category, is to spot the people with an unusual amount of sweat on their forehead, most of which is out of anxiety of first day of gym, and the one’s who are dressed in the most expensive, perfect gym clothes.
2) THE JLO-IS-JEALOUS-OF-ME SPECIES:
First of all, to observe this kind you have to master the art of subtle observation, and straight face keeping! If you want to hear the entire conversation (for educational purpose of course) you must be capable of the aforementioned qualities. Now, this species is constantly found conversing with others pf their own kind. They have the innate ability to recognize a decrease or increase in the weight of the others. They live on discussing recipes of different salads and juices. The members of this clan are fairly easy to spot, as they always walk in groups, and look like they are on an all-time endorphins high! However to really enjoy this species and to completely invade their privacy, one must listen to their conversation, which is pretty much on only one topic (no prize for guessing!). “Oh my God! I don’t understand what you eat! Do you survive on air?! You’re so lucky you got jaundice, you could lose all those extra vacation pounds!” says one wannabe, who will never be JLO to another. To know more of such priceless conversations, join a gym!
3) THE FLIRTINI-SHAKEN AND STIRRED SPECIES:
This species is the most difficult to observe, as while you are observing them you lose all sense and sensibility of yourself. So if you plan to observe this kind, take someone along with you, who can rush you to the loo, if the urge to throw up becomes uncontrollable. As the name suggests, this is the kind who think of the gym as a place to socialize. They flirt with the instructors in a manner that suggests, there is no tomorrow, so act as frivolous as you can. And mind you, this flirting is not at all subtle. It is completely in-your-face blatant for the enjoyment of people like me. This kind wears eye-liner, eye-shadow, kohl, long dangling earrings and the most lethal-LIP GLOSS, while working out. The easiest way to spot this species is to look in the direction of the loudest, shrillest laugh.
4) THE I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT SPECIES:
The members of this species were away, looking into a mirror when God was distributing brains. This kind is not so easy to find, because on the exterior they all look like normal beings, but once they encounter a mirror, it’s a whole new form! However, this makes them easy subjects for observation, as the only thing they notice is themselves! This species is found to be extremely self-indulgent and seen to appreciate their bodies in front of mirrors at every opportunity they get. They pose, smile, and flex their muscles in front of the mirror, and some even talk to themselves. If they do not look into a mirror for a fairly long time, it can be quite fatal and hence are seen to go back and forth to the mirror every now and then. The easiest way to look for them is to stand somewhere close to a mirror and wait for the subject to come there himself/herself.
P.S.- These are just a few of many different species that you come across at your gym. To know some more, please do not JOIN a gym, and pay the people there to torture you. Just read this blog for updates ;)
First of all let me establish, I do not enjoy gym or any other activity that involves movement for that matter. I consider enrolling myself for gym as one of my biggest mistakes in life for which, believe you me I am repenting! Diets are another story altogether. I am against the concept of ‘dieting’ and I just cannot understand why there are people who eat a pea for breakfast, a glass of fresh juice for lunch and a grape for dinner (without any ‘in between’ snacks of course!) and honestly I don’t want to find out why either!
1) THE YOU-WILL-NEVER-SEE-ME-AGAIN SPECIES:
This kind usually includes AUNTIES who roam around the gym in apprehension. They derive their name from the fact that after the first day of workout they never come back! This type is more often than not coaxed by their better halves (so to say!) to get FIT! However, after the first day of working out, and sweating it out, and pumping some iron, they find their bodies worth much more, and decide to stay at home since then. The easiest way to know who falls under this category, is to spot the people with an unusual amount of sweat on their forehead, most of which is out of anxiety of first day of gym, and the one’s who are dressed in the most expensive, perfect gym clothes.
2) THE JLO-IS-JEALOUS-OF-ME SPECIES:
First of all, to observe this kind you have to master the art of subtle observation, and straight face keeping! If you want to hear the entire conversation (for educational purpose of course) you must be capable of the aforementioned qualities. Now, this species is constantly found conversing with others pf their own kind. They have the innate ability to recognize a decrease or increase in the weight of the others. They live on discussing recipes of different salads and juices. The members of this clan are fairly easy to spot, as they always walk in groups, and look like they are on an all-time endorphins high! However to really enjoy this species and to completely invade their privacy, one must listen to their conversation, which is pretty much on only one topic (no prize for guessing!). “Oh my God! I don’t understand what you eat! Do you survive on air?! You’re so lucky you got jaundice, you could lose all those extra vacation pounds!” says one wannabe, who will never be JLO to another. To know more of such priceless conversations, join a gym!
3) THE FLIRTINI-SHAKEN AND STIRRED SPECIES:
This species is the most difficult to observe, as while you are observing them you lose all sense and sensibility of yourself. So if you plan to observe this kind, take someone along with you, who can rush you to the loo, if the urge to throw up becomes uncontrollable. As the name suggests, this is the kind who think of the gym as a place to socialize. They flirt with the instructors in a manner that suggests, there is no tomorrow, so act as frivolous as you can. And mind you, this flirting is not at all subtle. It is completely in-your-face blatant for the enjoyment of people like me. This kind wears eye-liner, eye-shadow, kohl, long dangling earrings and the most lethal-LIP GLOSS, while working out. The easiest way to spot this species is to look in the direction of the loudest, shrillest laugh.
4) THE I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT SPECIES:
The members of this species were away, looking into a mirror when God was distributing brains. This kind is not so easy to find, because on the exterior they all look like normal beings, but once they encounter a mirror, it’s a whole new form! However, this makes them easy subjects for observation, as the only thing they notice is themselves! This species is found to be extremely self-indulgent and seen to appreciate their bodies in front of mirrors at every opportunity they get. They pose, smile, and flex their muscles in front of the mirror, and some even talk to themselves. If they do not look into a mirror for a fairly long time, it can be quite fatal and hence are seen to go back and forth to the mirror every now and then. The easiest way to look for them is to stand somewhere close to a mirror and wait for the subject to come there himself/herself.
P.S.- These are just a few of many different species that you come across at your gym. To know some more, please do not JOIN a gym, and pay the people there to torture you. Just read this blog for updates ;)
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
What's your story morning glory?
My story? Does anyone really want to know my story? Im the Romeo from Romeo and Juliet! Im the Desdemona of Desdemona and Othello…Im the orphanage for the kicked out, most hated child on earth that everyone puts up for adoption, BAD LUCK. Some people may think im exaggerating a little, but to tell you very honestly, live one day of your life in my shoes (not really my shoes, because that’s just disgusting, it’s a phrase!) and you will see, how my life is a sadistic comedy!
A typical day in my life is, either a full stop personified, or a chase scene from a very bad movie. I have people coming my way, with different ways to piss me off. Some prefer salsa, some cha cha cha, some even like to jive. In any case it’s all the same to me, because I provide the common dance floor, my NERVES!! If your thinking, this is just another blog, of someone insane nut, who thinks she is the only one on earth with problems that have no solutions, you are partly right. Although you get an A grade for precisely defining me and my blog in the first part of the sentence, I might have to fail you for thinking way too much for the latter. I am completely addicted to boredom, or maybe it’s the other way round. Either way we seem to be in this immature, teenage relationship, where neither can let go of the other. I seem to get bored of things way too easily. “Spanish…hmmm seems like an interesting language, I’ll start going for classes. Besides, it will look excellent on my CV.” 3 weeks later I find myself sitting at Mocha, ordering apple flavoured sheesha, when I’m supposed to be in class, HOLAing everyone, from my friends, to the waiters. I wont be shocked if I find myself standing at the edge of a cliff one day, completely harnessed, ready to bungee jump, and feel the adrenalin rush, and I tell the instructor, “Dude, I’m too bored…..lets go skydiving instead!” Nothing seems to excite me (nothing, except tequila shots of course) .
Another interesting aspect being, my LUCK, or what is more commonly known as HORSESHIT. Whatever it is I think of doing, whether it is the simplest, most futile activity, or entering the sudoku championships, luck seems to be in the other direction, watching, pointing, falling on the floor, and laughing it’s ass off. It’s hard to understand why things of this sort would happen to me. Now please don’t tell me I am the chosen one, and these are small tests and all that jazz, because if this by any remote possibility, is a test, then I want Hawaii as a reward. Every morning when I step out of the house and sit inside my car, the first song that my radio decides to blast, is any current Himmesh Reshammiya number. It’s a fact, and a proven one, that the minute I start driving, all the bad, drivers, and riders of the world, get a signal, which I’m assuming sounds like a big fire alarm, and at the sound of this alarm, all these people, born to TEST me, come on the streets I am traveling on. I’m happy to declare at this point, that me being the optimist that I am, which is quite evident from this post, have used all incidents, for my benefit, I have enlightened myself, by acquiring a PhD in, ABUSES in all different languages. And yes, I am very fluent in them now. So if you see a 19 year old girl, with her head out of the window if a red zen, going BEEP BEEP BEEP, please do say HI! Its not just the traffic, its also the people. I’m not so much a people person (which is why I am reconsidering the excellent career choice I’ve made—Psychology) and I don’t like people very easily. Just so that random, over-friendly people don’t make any attempts to try to know my zodiac sign and favourite colour, I give them hostile, snooty, I’ll-slit-your-wrist-if- you-smile-at-me vibe right from the beginning. So if we view this, the way I do, I am doing some good in this world. However, there are some pea-brained girls and a few guys too, who just won’t quit. These are types who believe God has A PLAN FOR THEM! They have been sent on earth, to spread joy, and love. Believe me, these are the one’s who endorse candle-making, interior designing and party planning, as a dignified job, that gives them both, monetary as well as mental satisfaction. Anyway, so as I was saying, that my killer looks and vibes (which believe me are very fatal) just don’t matter to this category, and they think it’s a wise idea to come and pull my cheeks, or put their arms around me, or CALL ME DARLING, OR BABY!!! Why????? Why would this happen to me. What happens to girls and guys of this menace of a category later on can’t be mentioned here, and you definitely don’t want to find out!
P.S--This post will be updated every once in awhile, perhaps under different titles, according to the author's wish.
A typical day in my life is, either a full stop personified, or a chase scene from a very bad movie. I have people coming my way, with different ways to piss me off. Some prefer salsa, some cha cha cha, some even like to jive. In any case it’s all the same to me, because I provide the common dance floor, my NERVES!! If your thinking, this is just another blog, of someone insane nut, who thinks she is the only one on earth with problems that have no solutions, you are partly right. Although you get an A grade for precisely defining me and my blog in the first part of the sentence, I might have to fail you for thinking way too much for the latter. I am completely addicted to boredom, or maybe it’s the other way round. Either way we seem to be in this immature, teenage relationship, where neither can let go of the other. I seem to get bored of things way too easily. “Spanish…hmmm seems like an interesting language, I’ll start going for classes. Besides, it will look excellent on my CV.” 3 weeks later I find myself sitting at Mocha, ordering apple flavoured sheesha, when I’m supposed to be in class, HOLAing everyone, from my friends, to the waiters. I wont be shocked if I find myself standing at the edge of a cliff one day, completely harnessed, ready to bungee jump, and feel the adrenalin rush, and I tell the instructor, “Dude, I’m too bored…..lets go skydiving instead!” Nothing seems to excite me (nothing, except tequila shots of course) .
Another interesting aspect being, my LUCK, or what is more commonly known as HORSESHIT. Whatever it is I think of doing, whether it is the simplest, most futile activity, or entering the sudoku championships, luck seems to be in the other direction, watching, pointing, falling on the floor, and laughing it’s ass off. It’s hard to understand why things of this sort would happen to me. Now please don’t tell me I am the chosen one, and these are small tests and all that jazz, because if this by any remote possibility, is a test, then I want Hawaii as a reward. Every morning when I step out of the house and sit inside my car, the first song that my radio decides to blast, is any current Himmesh Reshammiya number. It’s a fact, and a proven one, that the minute I start driving, all the bad, drivers, and riders of the world, get a signal, which I’m assuming sounds like a big fire alarm, and at the sound of this alarm, all these people, born to TEST me, come on the streets I am traveling on. I’m happy to declare at this point, that me being the optimist that I am, which is quite evident from this post, have used all incidents, for my benefit, I have enlightened myself, by acquiring a PhD in, ABUSES in all different languages. And yes, I am very fluent in them now. So if you see a 19 year old girl, with her head out of the window if a red zen, going BEEP BEEP BEEP, please do say HI! Its not just the traffic, its also the people. I’m not so much a people person (which is why I am reconsidering the excellent career choice I’ve made—Psychology) and I don’t like people very easily. Just so that random, over-friendly people don’t make any attempts to try to know my zodiac sign and favourite colour, I give them hostile, snooty, I’ll-slit-your-wrist-if- you-smile-at-me vibe right from the beginning. So if we view this, the way I do, I am doing some good in this world. However, there are some pea-brained girls and a few guys too, who just won’t quit. These are types who believe God has A PLAN FOR THEM! They have been sent on earth, to spread joy, and love. Believe me, these are the one’s who endorse candle-making, interior designing and party planning, as a dignified job, that gives them both, monetary as well as mental satisfaction. Anyway, so as I was saying, that my killer looks and vibes (which believe me are very fatal) just don’t matter to this category, and they think it’s a wise idea to come and pull my cheeks, or put their arms around me, or CALL ME DARLING, OR BABY!!! Why????? Why would this happen to me. What happens to girls and guys of this menace of a category later on can’t be mentioned here, and you definitely don’t want to find out!
P.S--This post will be updated every once in awhile, perhaps under different titles, according to the author's wish.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
